152 - The Appraisal

“It’s time for your appraisal

What have you done this year?

I see you’ve lots of feedback

Since you started here”

Well if I’m brutally honest

Not very much I fear

I don’t think you’ll be happy

In my job as a Cashier

I upset lots of clients

I was pretty insincere

One guy got so inflated

He flew to the troposphere

And then there was this customer

I think a Brigadier

Complained about my attitude

Said I was “cavalier”

I argued with a lady

Some rich financier

I told her what I thought

She answered with a sneer

I tried very hard to please

Became a volunteer

But everything went wrong

And I had to disappear

And then there was this bloke

Some kind of mountaineer

He said he’d cut my ear off

And keep it as a souvenir

I can see you’re thinking hard

You’re about to say “Oh dear”

But I promise to do better

Please don’t end my career

“I’ve listened to your words

And this is ever so severe

I cannot keep you in this job

Go and get your gear

You are a shining beacon

Of how to persevere

So I’ve decided to promote you

Congratulations Chief Engineer!”

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This poem appears in the book World’s Bestest Poetry Volume Two, available from the Shop!