112 - Seventeen

There are seventeen things I’d rather do

Than spend all day stuck on the loo

You won’t believe this, but it’s true

So I’ll list them all without further ado

Revolution, lead a coup

Drive a tank down Fifth Avenue

Become a Panda, eat bamboo

Turn my brains into a stew

Float downstream on a canoe

Play Snooker but without a cue

Walk around with just one shoe

Get stuck in some weird residue

Turn a bolt into a screw

Fill a swimming pool with dew

Eat a book and chew the glue

Spend my life in an endless queue

Utter facts that are taboo

Take Adolf Hitler to the zoo

Speak French at a rendezvous

Launch into space a caribou

And finally, this is just for you

Because it’s probably overdue

The last thing that I’d rather do

Is deal with the Inland Revenue

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This poem appears in the book World’s Bestest Poetry Volume Two, available from the Shop!