051 - Sport

I think it’s fair to say that I hate all forms of sport

Football, golf, tennis, anything of the sort

In my New Order I’ll have sportspersons on report

It will all be banned immediately and I’ll see them all in Court

At school I was pretty useless at any physical competition

It didn’t matter what I played, whatever my position

I flailed around all crazy like, unable to stay on mission

And at the end I’d get shouted at in the classic old tradition

Why must people run around and ruin all that grass?

Don’t they know how silly they look when they fall upon their ass?

I’ve tried talking sense to them but they don’t listen to me, alas

Playing in the rain and snow in one huge wet morass

I don’t understand the need to chase around a ball

No matter what the size of it - it makes no sense at all

Let’s all rethink the situation and have an overhaul

And do some thing more productive and intellectual

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This poem appears in the book World’s Bestest Poetry Volume One, available from the Shop!